Right then you fellows, gather round.

Freddie, if you could just put that cask of beer down please. I don’t care if it was brewed by special Trappist monks, Freddie, just put it down over there. Yes, and the monk too. Let him down off your shoulders, please. You can play with him later if you both promise to be quiet.

Now chaps, we’re here in Ypres to remember our ancestors and how bravely they fought in World War One in order that we could enjoy freedoms that we…

…Freedoms which do not, Ravi Bopara, include listening to an iPod during an important memorial and team-bonding session. Bring it here. I don’t care if it is Oxide And Neutrino’s New Grime Dubstep, Ravi, it’s just simply not on. The same goes for you, KP. You must have listened to that ‘My Story: The Life of KP’ audio book a hundred times this summer.

As I was saying, they fought so we can enjoy the freedoms we enjoy today. So can anyone tell me who  the battle of Ypres was between? Anyone?

No, good try there Jimmy, but the Rebel Alliance and the Evil Empire were actually in the film Star Wars. You remember how we talked about some things being true and some being made-up stories?

Yes, a bit like when we say “Ooh you’ve got him guessing there Monty boy” to Monty, well done Priory, very droll, but there’s no need to shout quite so loud.

So can anyone tell me who fought the battle of Ypres? Anyone? Anyone who isn’t Unofficial Vice Captain Cook? No?

Yes, that’s right Unofficial Vice Captain Cook, it was indeed the Allied Forces comprising Britain, Belgium, France and Canada against the German Empire. Now, as it happens, an ancestor of mine, Great Grandfather Roderick Froqhuart-Strauss, was a Subaltern of the King’s Own Huzzahs at the Battle Of Ypres. He was only 14, and he was put in charge of over 500 men. Well, of course, there weren’t 500 of them for very long, ha ha, but anyway I’ve got one of his letters here and I’d like to read a bit out to you chaps.

Dearest Mama,

It is absolutely beastly here, we are losing over a thousand men an hour but we are trying to take the positives from the situation and do the simple things well. I had to shoot a chap the other day for bayoneting his own hand in a ploy to get sent back to Blighty. The CO made me write to Sapper Harmison’s family personally. The enemy have got a fearsome battery trained upon us, and there is one absolute brute who keeps hurling shells at us left-handed. I decided that the time had come for a heroic sacrifice, I mean counter-attack, and sent Rifleman Collingwood over the top to go and sort the blighter out but unfortunately he didn’t last much more than two seconds. On the other hand, that Victoria Sponge you sent was simply marvellous.

Your loving son,

Roderick

Stirring stuff as I am sure you chaps will agree, and what better preparation for the summer ahead than a few hours to reflect at a site were the English were absolutely slaughtered by Johnny Foreigner.

As Carrier Pigeoned to Alan Tyers

Alec Stewart is England’s most capped Test cricketer, with 133 appearances to his name. Initially a dashing opening batsman, he became a wicketkeeper of some repute, and now works as a summariser on Test Match Special. He was speaking to Sam Collins at the Ladbrokes Ashes launch.

Did you feel at all sorry for James Foster going back to county cricket after the World Twenty20?

I thought he kept very well. I’m a big fan of Fozzie. I know Fozzie, I’ve toured with Fozzie. I think he’s the best gloveman in the world. But if you asked him he would say for the balance of the Test side then there are other people who should play. Matt Prior is a good performer. He’s got a record behind him. So do I feel sorry for him? It’s just the way the modern game has gone. You’ve now got to be a top batsman and a top keeper. I can’t say I’m his biggest fan because – that’s Graham Gooch down at Essex – but I know how good Foster is. But how you get him in the side?

Does Foster know where he stands in the England set-up?

Well he knows he’s not in the Test side. The days of an out-and-out keeper are not there. Bob Taylor, for example. Wonderful, wonderful keeper but a No.9 bat. He wouldn’t play in the England side now because of the balance of the side, which is sad because it’s an art. So Fozzie has just got to keep churning out runs for Essex to say, ‘right, not only am I a world-class keeper but I also can bat at No.7 in the Test side’. And that’s what he needs to do.

Would you play Steve Harmison this summer?

I’m a Harmison fan. I reckon I’m his biggest fan in the country. Would I pick him now? I’d definitely have him in the squad. I’d have definitely picked him in that 16. Because he can turn a game.

Do you see Ravi Bopara as a No.3?

When I first saw him at Essex and he was picked to bat at No.3 for England, I had my reservations. I thought he may have been a No.5. Having now seen him first-hand against the West Indies, I’ve been converted. There aren’t many cricketers that have the x-factor – but I think he’s got it.

Is Shane Warne just trying to get under Ravi’s skin?

Warney loves a headline doesn’t he? I don’t know why we go to the Australians and ask them for their opinions on our cricketers. The Australians don’t do that with us. We’re never asked by an Australian newspaper what do we think of Phil Hughes or Brad Haddin. Of course you’re going to knock the opposition, try and dent their confidence. Ravi Bopara to me is a talent and someone who will have a very, very big international career.

So what would your plans be to Phil Hughes?

Whatever the plans are, you’ve got to see them through, you’ve got to deliver them. Andrew Flintoff around the wicket bowling a tight line over off stump with an off-side field, like the Gilchrist field. Two gullies, a cover just behind and cover just in front. He looks a big off-side, square-of-the-wicket player. Flower and Strauss will have examined him. Strauss has seen him at first-hand for Middlesex. But you can have all the plans in the world but you’ve then got to go and execute them.

Do you feel sorry for Michael Vaughan regarding the manner in which his career has ended?

I’d just like to thank him for everything he did. He was a wonderful leader. He took English cricket forward, not just over the Ashes but when he took over from Nasser, straight away. Having played under him for three or four Test matches he looked a natural leader, a good man-manager, good with people, good with players. He offered English cricket so much with his captaincy. In 2002-03 he was the best player in the world when he took on Australia. He got runs against India as well.

Were you always a keeper?

No. I always batted. I started keeping at the age of 16. And I signed at Surrey as a batsman who could keep. And that’s how my career went. I always started off in the sides that I played for as an opening batsman or No.3 – but then the balance of the side … Graham Gooch wants Foster in the England side now – he was the one who dropped Jack Russell and said right you’re batting at No.3 or opening, you’re also going to keep wicket because the balance of the side enables us to get another batter or bowler in.

How did you deal with it?

I always worked on my keeping. As a cricketer you need two strings to your bow. My biggest problem was one series I was a batter, then they’d want me to keep for the last Test match of a series, then I’d go back to opening the batting. So there was no continuity until ’97. And that’s when David Lloyd and Athers said, ‘right, you are the keeper’. I thought, right, I’m now a batsman, I’m also a keeper and I focused on those two jobs with equal amounts of practice and preparation. You’ve got to know what your roles are. You want clarity from the people up above.

Who’s got better banter behind the stumps, you or Prior?

The banter’s over-rated. Everyone should be encouraging his team-mates. I’m not a fan of the stump mic. For a neutral or a punter it’s good. But I just believe what goes on the field stays on the field. And your job is to catch the ball and make sure your team-mates are geed up. But that goes for anyone whether it’s the keeper, fine-leg, first slip, mid-off or whatever.

Did you find it difficult hearing yourself on the stump mic?

Oh I used to turn the mute button on. Because it’s dull. To me it’s dull. At the time you’re saying what you believe should be said to gee up your team-mates and to encourage your team-mates. But the number of times I’ve sat there watching highlights and I hear ‘bowled Crofty’ or ‘bowled Gilo’, things like that. It’s not the most exciting thing to have to listen to.

Who’s the most difficult bowler you remember keeping to?

Saqlain Mushtaq when he first arrived at Surrey, not being able to pick his doosra. For the first two months that was hard work. And anyone who makes the ball wobble past the stumps. The ball doesn’t rotate and it does all kind of things. Harmison can be hard, Gladstone Small used to make the ball wobble about. So they’re the hard ones where you think you’re catching the ball and just as it gets to you, it can hit you on the shoulder. What the ball does between the stumps until it reaches the keeper when you’re stood back isn’t always picked up by the TV or by the watching public.

Sam Collins is website editor of The Wisden Cricketer

That Flintoff over at Edgbaston; the Pietersen’s hundred at The Oval; the Ashes 2005 – the patterns and pictures painted by that series, by the scorers and by Hawk-Eye have all inspired an artist in her latest exhibition.

Lucy Amsden is a glass artist studying at Central Saint Martin’s School. She is also cricket mad, first catching the bug in 1985 when she watched England win the Ashes at The Oval. She’s been a member of Surrey ever since.

Her end-of-year pieces celebrate Flintoff’s over to Langer and Ponting at Edgbaston in 2005, the great innings of that series and the final two overs of the first World Twenty20 final. These work as an evocative expression of key moments, bringing back memories of the action and providing an overall feel of what and how the moments unfolded.

Amsden believes that her work has a place at the grounds. She says: “Cricket grounds haven’t traditionally used art in their design. The space offered and the time people are at a match means installing artistic interpretations of cricket will stimulate and inspire visitors as well as improving the overall aesthetics.”

These pieces are an imaginative and elegant take on cricket, beautifully unveiling the shapes and patterns that make the sport so appealing.

The exhibition runs till July 7 at the Cochrane Theatre in Holborn, London. See sharpfifteen.com for more information. To contact Lucy, email lucy.a@sky.com or visit lucyamsden.com

Edward Craig is deputy editor of The Wisden Cricketer

When history has its say, it can be hard to argue. The 1985 Ashes series tends to be pigeon-holed as uninterrupted English dominance, even though it was 1-1 with two to play. Twenty years later, we supposedly witnessed two teams at the top of their game – when the truth is England played out of their skins and Australia did not. But how, one day, will we look back at 2009? The way things are going, the temptation is to think the prize will go to the team which self-destructs second.

At the weekend England received an unwelcome reminder of pedalos past with the news that Andrew Flintoff had been reprimanded for missing the team bus on a trip to the First World War memorial at Ypres. The time for rolling our eyes with mock disapproval and passing the incident off as a harmless piece of Freddie hi-jinks disappeared long ago. When Strauss says Flintoff “generally recognises when the times are to drink and when not to drink”, you wonder how generally he means.

Flintoff was once a source of unquestioning inspiration for his team-mates. But that was around 2004 and 2005. Since then, England have learned to live without him. In fact, they have learned to play better without him. It would be sad for English cricket if the impressive esprit de corps that built up in Flintoff’s absence during the home series against West Indies is suddenly threatened once more.

Strauss’s saving grace, perhaps, is the state of the opposition. In Hove last week they looked not so much undercooked as dripping-blood raw. There is a theory that the modern cricketer requires less fine-tuning than his predecessors because he spends so much time playing anyway, but Australia’s preparation for the Ashes will amount to two competitive Twenty20 matches (both lost), a fortnight’s break, an unflattering draw with Sussex and the four-day game starting today against England Lions in Worcester (where the weather may intervene).

Even by the standards of 21st-century touring life – and even accounting for the unexpectedly early exit from the World Twenty20 – this feels a little on the light side. Back in 2005, which itself was regarded as a concertinaed tour, Australia’s itinerary before the first Test looked like this: PCA Masters XI (one day), Leicestershire (one day), England (Twenty20), Somerset (one day), NatWest Series v England and Bangladesh (seven ODIs), NatWest Challenge v England (three ODIs), Leicestershire (three days). That’s a total of 17 days.

Which takes us back to the red-rawness of Hove. The batting line-up is more or less set in stone for Cardiff, especially now that Shane Watson has been left out of today’s game at Worcester, leaving the No6 slot free for Marcus North. But among the bowlers, only Peter Siddle (match figures against Sussex of 30-8-68-3) booked his Test place alongside Mitchell Johnson.

Of the rest, Brett Lee (27.2-2-104-4) was fast but erratic; Ben Hilfenhaus (22-4-101-3) hustling rather than threatening; and Stuart Clark (26-4-100-3) strangely hittable. And let’s not even mention Nathan Hauritz (oh go on then, let’s: 38-5-158-1). Just as revealingly, they were quiet in the field, as Robin Martin-Jenkins, the Sussex all-rounder who played in the game, has revealed on this website.

Australia have one game left to find an attack and some aggression. Rent-a-quote Jeff Thomson has already come out and laid a left hook on Ponting by claiming “everyone at home thinks he’s s**t at the captaincy”. Depending on how his bowlers fare in Worcester, that may be the least of Australia’s worries.

Lawrence Booth writes on cricket for the Guardian

A few weeks ago I had to fill in a questionnaire for Sky Sports. It was for the Twenty20 matches and my answers to their fairly banal questions were due to appear on screen when I went in to bat. You know the kind of thing: What is your favourite band? (Rubber); who is your sporting hero? (Charles Colvile). The last question was ‘What is your Ashes prediction?’ I said Australia would win 2-1.

Some of my teammates saw me write this and immediately were up in arms. “How could you be so unpatriotic?” they protested, as they wrote down 4-1 to England. One player, who shall remain nameless, had even written 5-1 to England. “How can you be so stupid?” I replied.

But I am patriotic; I want England to win as much as the next man, I thought as I sat down in the changing room, before realising I change next to Yasir Arafat on my left and Corey Collymore on my right. But I watched the Australians last series in South Africa and I’ve grown up with a generation of cricket lovers who have, except on two or three occasions, spent every two years cowering behind the sofa as the England team go through a ritual Ashes humiliation. A little bit of realism would creep into the psyche of even the most hard-nosed of patriots given such a pommie-bashing over the years. Crossing sports for a moment, if William Wallace was still alive do you really believe he’d still think Scotland had any chance of winning the Six Nations Rugby next year?

In all good stories, however, the main character has an experience that changes him in some way and alters the course of events. Despite this not being a particularly good story, I too had such an experience: namely, playing the aforementioned pommie-bashers last week at Hove. And for four days we held our own against the No.1 side in the world.

Three weeks of constant sun has turned the outfield at Hove into a brown sheet of concrete and the square is dusting-up into the kind of surface that might even get Mushtaq Ahmed hobbling out of retirement. Ricky Ponting told the press before the match that it would be perfect preparation for the first Test at Cardiff which, he’d heard, was just like Hove. I think we can assume he was talking only about the pitch. And at the end of the match he talked again about how useful the match had been to get his players up to speed for the first Test.

But I’d wager he chose different, rather harsher, words for some of his team in the confines of their dressing room after the match. For while the Australians didn’t play poorly they lacked the presence that the best team in the world should have. All the seamers, except Peter Siddle, looked out of rhythm and their main spinner, Nathan Hauritz, had a shocker. I felt sympathy for Hauritz as he looked like a man who had a whole heap of unnecessary pressure dumped on his shoulders, and he bore his slightly humiliating match figures of 1 for 158 (and this on a turning wicket) well, revealing an impressive temperament.

When it came to the batting all their main players got starts, except Marcus North, but failed to capitalise and, in the case of Phillip Hughes twice, and Ricky Ponting and Simon Katich once, played some very poor shots to get out. Michael Clarke and Brad Haddin apart, they also looked very tentative against our two young spinners, Ollie Rayner and Will Beer. Australian batsmen looking tentative against an off-spinner and leg-spinner on a turning pitch? Hmmm, I wonder who England should pick at Cardiff…?

If this seemed very un-Australian, there was another aspect to their play that seemed unreal too. Sledging, mental disintegration, call it what you will, but there was none of it. I batted for an hour-and-a-half in the first innings and had my usual share of wild flails outside off stump. After each one my ears were primed for the volley of abuse that would surely come my way but not a thing was said. In fact, aside from a bit of geeing-up from the covers the whole team was quiet in the field. It smacked of a fairly new team still coming to terms with each other, which is of course what it is.

They have this week at Worcester to take their preparation one step further and there are a few caveats for England. Namely that Brett Lee bowled with serious pace on a slow wicket, Mitchell Johnson wasn’t even playing and Ponting, Clarke and Haddin exuded class with the bat.

But if I was to give England my own brand of William Wallace team talk now I would say that this year shouldn’t be a time for behind-the-sofa-cowering. England have nothing to fear. Respect them of course, they are a team of fine cricketers. But they have holes in their backsides like anyone else and if you play to your strengths (i.e. play Swann and Rashid on a Cardiff turner) you’ll be one up by the time we go to Lord’s.

My altered Ashes prediction: England to win 3-1.

Robin Martin-Jenkins is an allrounder with Sussex

There are people who think the battle of the Ashes lies between the elegantly groomed hands of James Anderson  and formerly labret-pierced Mitchell Johnson.

Wrong.

The Ashes battle rests of the shoulders of the leading Test wicket-taker of 2009, and the best performed fast bowler of 2009.

They also happen to be the most entertaining members of either team.

Graeme Swann and Peter Siddle.

Both men are significantly involved in the transmogrification of their sides from shit, to better than shit.

England had a horror winter, yet somehow still unearthed the world’s best off-spinner (to left handers), who burst onto world cricket like an 80s rock sensation, and with a chin like that he was bound to be a star.

Australia were finding Test cricket pretty damn hard in their summer, but they persisted with their working-class hammer, a man with a chest like a Lucha libre star, and somehow Peter Siddle has turned into Merv Hughes without the moustache or beer gut.

Not only are these two probably the most likeable cricketers in either team, they are also the key to the Ashes.

If Swann finds it harder to bowl to the Australian left-handers than he did to Devon Smith, Australia will take home a huge advantage.

If Siddle’s histrionics and work ethic can’t wear down England like it did the South Africans, England will be in a very good position.

Yet if they both fire this will be a wonderful series, as both men are natural entertainers. I envisage a time in the future when all young English cricket fans want chin implants to look more like their wacky spinner, and all young Australian fans try to stick their chests out to honour their fast-bowling weapon.

May the most entertaining man win.

Jrod is an Australian blogger, and now author. His book The Year Of The Balls 2008: A Disrespective is available now

The moment you have been waiting for is here, Australia are in the country, and England are preparing themselves for the most important event in cricket.

The Bloggers Ashes, The Village Cricketer’s All Star XI Vs The Cricket With Balls Code of Conduct XI.

Writer against writer, unwashed person vs snakebite drinker, cricketers up against Poms.

Oh how grand this shall be.

The match is in aid of that wonderful charity Everyman, who help all men keep their balls, what cricketer would want to deny men of this.

The details of this momentous moment in sport are: Monday 29th June 2009, 3pm start, Barnes Cricket Club, Lonsdale Road, London SW13 9QL

If you need more than a battle of the Ashes to whet your appetite, there will also be a BBQ and many famous cricket writers to annoy, plus Ed Craig editor of the world’s favourite bookazine ‘the story of the Ashes’.

To donate money for this game, go here.

If you are an Australian who is free to play in this game, we are still short of players, so contact me at cwb@cricketwithballs.com.

But get down there people, it is just like the real Ashes, but with fatter people, who can come up with more creative excuses.

Jrod is an Australian cricket blogger. His site Cricketwithballs.com won last July’s Best of Blogs in TWC

The ECB continue to emailshoot the world and his wife with a tempting Ashes tickets offer: a ‘Hamper Package’ at Edgbaston for a credit crunch-busting £125. If you would prefer just to buy one of the remaining match tickets (face value: £75) without the hamper then…  tough. Sorry. No hamper, no cricky. So what does this fifty quid box of delights contain?

Included inside

•    Small, lukewarm, meat-type pie – worth £50 just on its own (if purchased at official ECB concession stand).
•    Vegetarian snack personally selected by Warwickshire Director of Cricket Ashley Giles: Spinach omelette. (May be replaced with Spanish omelette)
•    Plastic pint glass (will be confiscated)
•    Opportunity to purchase one (1) Orange Club biscuit via priority queuing system (estimated wait time: less than one session of play)
•    Caffeine-infused energy chews to keep you awake if Alastair Cook really gets going
•    Complaint form
•    Mars Bar, distress flare, bandage and makeshift splint to throw at Andrew Flintoff if he is fielding on boundary
•    Special souvenir box-set ‘Colly’s Heroes’ – the definitive story of England’s World Twenty20 campaign (Betamax cassette format, limited edition of 150,000).
•    To encourage youngsters to get into cricket, an exciting new confection called “a chocolate biscuit” and a packet of “crisped potatoes”.
•    Special ECB-partner alcoholic drink to be confirmed later. (Note: it is forbidden to bring alcohol into the ground, if you do bring your hamper in, you may be ejected)

Upgrade Options Are Available

For just £25 extra, why not treat yourself to the Ashes Hamper Deluxe, which features all the ingredients above, plus a can of Panda Cola and a chance to hear Jack Bannister give a lunchtime lecture on the different types of soil used at Edgbaston.

A Super Deluxe Hamper at £200 per person offers all the benefits of the Deluxe Hamper, without the lunchtime lecture.

For our corporate guests, boxes are available from £500 per person per day offering excellent views of the cricket, or unsighted boxes that do not offer a view of the playing area from £750 per person per day.

As sold to Alan Tyers

It’s been easy to forget about Monty Panesar recently. Everyone accepts he’s fallen behind Graeme Swann in England’s spin-bowling pecking-order, but Adil Rashid’s level-headed performances in the World Twenty20 raised pressing questions which Panesar’s selection for England’s game against Warwickshire next week have only partially answered.

The conundrum goes something like this. England are tempted to play two spinners in the first Ashes Test at Cardiff, and they would prefer to accompany Swann with Panesar (38 Tests, 125 wickets) than Rashid (four Twenty20 internationals, three wickets). But Panesar is having a horrible time of it with Northamptonshire (six second-division wickets at 86 each). So if he flops against Warwickshire, the selectors can a) draft in Rashid, or b) take the four-seamers option and pick either Ryan Sidebottom or Graeme Onions or, yes, Steve Harmison instead.

To further complicate matters, Panesar is going through a transitional phase – a formulation which, when used by football managers, usually translates as “we’re rubbish at the moment”, but in Panesar’s case is probably true. Stung by Shane Warne’s accusation that he has not played 30-odd Tests but the same Test 30-odd times, Panesar is trying to reinvent himself as the thinking man’s slow left-armer. And that, as demonstrated by the sets of four leg-side byes he conceded against West Indies when he sent down his new quicker ball, takes time.

By choosing him for the Warwickshire game with 10 others who all look nailed on for Cardiff, the selectors have delivered the definitive vote of confidence. And with Mushtaq Ahmed now on board to get inside Monty’s mind – previous England regimes will tell you this is no easy task – Geoff Miller and Co are right to do so.

The temptation is to believe everything Warne says (although his recent long-distance sledging of Ravi Bopara was unusually wide of the mark). There is little doubt that Panesar’s lack of variety has prevented him from averaging in the late-20s rather than the low-to-mid 30s. And if you take away the 25 wickets he has claimed in three Tests at Old Trafford, his bowling average rises to virtually 38.

But bowlers are allowed to have favourite grounds, so let’s put his overall performance in perspective. The four giants of English spin-bowling in the 20^th century were Derek Underwood (297 wickets at 25), Jim Laker (193 at 21), Tony Lock (174 at 25), and the tragically unfulfilled Hedley Verity (144 at 24). Laker averaged nearly four wickets a Test, with the other three hovering around 3.5.

Panesar claims an average of 3.29 wickets per game, which is not a million miles away from the big four – and a considerable distance in front of some of the fairer comparisons. Phil Tufnell took 2.88 wickets per Test, Ashley Giles 2.65, Phil Edmonds 2.45, John Emburey 2.30, Wilfred Rhodes 2.19 and Ray Illingworth 2.00. And of that sextet, only Rhodes (26) and Illingworth (31) claimed their wickets at a lower average – and they operated on uncovered wickets.

Part of Panesar’s problem, of course, is that he bats badly and fields with even less skill. But the 8-9 combination of Stuart Broad and Graeme Swann, plus the improvement with the bat of Jimmy Anderson, makes that less of an issue. England must be careful they don’t simply pick two spinners to emphasise their superiority in that department over Australia. Equally, they must allow a proven match-winner in the past the time to mend his game.

Whether a three-day match against Warwickshire will tell us much is another matter. But then Ashes summers have never been the best time to take the long-term view.

Lawrence Booth writes on cricket for the Guardian

If Australia were fazed by their premature exit from the World Twenty20, you would not have sensed it when they faced the media at Hove on Monday. Admittedly it is difficult to be fazed by anything at the County Ground when the sun is shining, with the possible exception of a Piyush Chawla leg-break, set as it is just a couple of blocks back from the sea. With the written press packed into the pavilion, casting envious glances as the broadcast boys basked outside, Punter’s boys sidled in as though they had made the short walk from the beach rather than a training session.

With each player allocated his own table for a half-hour spot, the media’s main targets were predictable: Ricky Ponting, Mitchell Johnson and Phillip Hughes swamped from the off. Interest in some of the lesser-known players, of which there are a fair few in the Australian 16, was rather less pronounced, making for good opportunities for extended conversation.  Graham Manou, captain of South Australia, and the squad’s reserve wicketkeeper, cut a lonely figure for most of what must have been a long half hour. Yet for the ten minutes TWC snatched with him, he was an engaging interviewee clearly thrilled by his late arrival, at 30, into the Test fold, with that excitement undimmed by the threat of seeing little action on tour.

His good humour was in direct contrast to some of his colleagues. Ben Hilfenhaus, the least likely of Australia’s seamers to feature in the first Test, confessed that he hated media sessions like this because he had “nothing to say”. After five minutes with him, it was clear he wasn’t lying. His quick-bowling colleague Peter Siddle was better value, giving a colourful account of his treatment from the South African crowd over the winter. Turns out they love to bait a fast bowler, but Siddle’s big grin was that of a man who relished the confrontation – Headingley beware. Talking about colour, Andrew McDonald confessed that he too had copped a bit in South Africa, for rather more obvious reasons.

One thing that they all agreed on was that they had no idea of the balance of the Australian side for the first Test in Cardiff. With two allrounders in Shane Watson and McDonald, two batsmen who spin it in Michael Clark and Marcus North to provide alternatives to Nathan Hauritz and a five-strong pace attack with only one certainty in Mitchell Johnson, Ponting cannot complain of a lack of options. Rarely can a touring Australian side have approached the first Test with at least 15 of their squad genuinely in contention for a first-team place. Their two warm-up matches will make for interesting observation indeed.

Sam Collins is web editor of The Wisden Cricketer