Profiles by Lawrence Booth
Film star comparisons by Alan Tyers

Andrew Strauss

England captain and batsman, Age 32, Team Middlesex, Tests 62, 4,792 runs @ 43.96, v Australia 10 Tests, 640 runs @ 32.00

If he was a film star he’d be… Hugh Grant. Amiable posh sort; somewhat limited repertoire; hooker.
Profile Vowels honed at Radley and Durham beneath a stiffish upper lip could easily throw Mitchell Johnson off kilter.
What he was doing in 2005 Convincing himself he could read Shane Warne, realising he couldn’t, then working so hard he made two hundreds.
Ashes nemesis Warne’s in the commentary box now but Brett Lee has dismissed Strauss five times.
Most likely to… Sound disconcertingly Australian by beginning every answer in press conferences with “Ah, look …”
Where you’ll find him First slip.
Number crunch 8 v 40. Warne dismissed him eight times but Strauss still averaged over 40 against him.

Kevin Pietersen

Middle-order batsman, Age 29, Team Hampshire, Tests 52, 4,494 runs @ 50.49, v Australia 10 Tests, 963 runs @ 53.50

If he was a film star he’d be… Tom Cruise. Charismatic superstar, believes own hype, recent work has been a bit rubbish.
Profile England’s X-factor – and the player most likely to appear on The X-Factor. Box-office, and he knows it.
What he was doing in 2005 Oh, just putting the Aussies to the sword, wowing a nation, cultivating a dead mongoose on his head. The usual.
Ashes nemesis Pietersen once admitted he occasionally makes the mistake of underestimating bowlers. Step forward Peter Siddle and Ben Hilfenhaus.
Most likely to… Switch-hit Nathan Hauritz. Use the word “love” five times in one sentence.
Where you’ll find him Cover.
Number crunch 50. The only major England batsman to average 50 or more in Tests since Ken Barrington.

Andrew Flintoff

Allrounder, Age 31, Team Lancashire, Tests 75, 3,645 runs @ 31.69, 218 wkts @ 32.07, v Australia 11 Tests, 706 runs @ 33.61, 42 wkts @ 29.59

If he was a film star he’d be… Frank Sinatra. Multi-talented leader of pack, famous for frequent comebacks, late nights, cigar.
Profile Either a salt-of-the-earth national treasure or a bullocking dressing-room disruption, depending on whom you believe.
What he was doing in 2005 Attaining immortality by working Ricky Ponting over at Edgbaston, hitting a hundred at Trent Bridge and bowling a 14-over spell at The Oval.
Ashes nemesis That man Ricky Ponting, who gained revenge with the mother of all whitewashes next time round.
Most likely to… Strike fear into the hearts of Australian left-handers before wincing in agony and pointing to his ankle.
Where you’ll find him Second slip.
Number crunch 2. The number of Test five-fors he’s taken – the fewest of any bowler with 200 wickets or more.

Alastair Cook

Opening batsman, Age 24, Team Essex, Tests 43, 3,287 runs @ 45.02, v Australia 5 Tests, 276 runs @ 27.60

If he was a film star he’d be… Will Ferrell. Provides enjoyable cameos but unable to sustain interest for too long.
Profile Hasn’t changed much since Bedford School, frankly. Still has the face of a choirboy, still scoring runs for fun.
What he was doing in 2005 Scoring 200 for Essex against the Australians, being named Young Cricketer of the Year, fine-tuning his Playstation skills.
Ashes nemesis Stuart Clark got him four times in 2006-07 and a few well-placed jelly beans could open up old scars.
Most likely to… Nervously break out into a chorus of ‘Onward, Christian Soldiers’ if it all gets a bit too much.
Where you’ll find him Short leg/gully.
Number crunch 9. Scored Test hundred number nine aged 24 years and 140 days – only one year and 95 days more than Tendulkar required to reach the same mark.

Ravi Bopara

Middle-order batsman, Age 24, Team Essex, Tests 6, 397 runs @ 49.62, v Australia –

If he was a film star he’d be… Danny Dyer. Brash, geezerish; suspicion that genuine tough guys could sort him out sharpish.
Profile Chilled to the point of sub-zero, Ravi has a patent on the line “cocky without being arrogant”.
What he was doing in 2005 Practising his cocky-but-not-arrogant swagger and teaching his pet Rottweiler, Gotti, the art of nonchalance.
Ashes nemesis Michael Clarke’s tattoos are in serious danger of ousting Ravi as the coolest kid on the Ashes block.
Most likely to… Celebrate a century with the footballer’s favourite rocking-the-baby gesture, even though he isn’t a father yet.
Where you’ll find him Square leg.
Number crunch 4. A hundred in the first innings at Cardiff, and he will join a list of just four players to have scored four Test tons in succession

Paul Collingwood

Middle-order batsman, Age 33, Team Durham, Tests 48, 3,315 runs @ 44.20, v Australia 6 Tests, 450 runs @ 40.90

If he was a film star he’d be… Pete Postlethwaite. Dour but reliable professional Northerner, allows brighter stars to shine around him.
Profile Stoically puts up with being regarded as the gritty northern nurdler of the middle order. Mushy peas to KP’s guacamole.
What he was doing in 2005 Earning an MBE for scoring seven and 10 in his only Ashes game, at The Oval. What of it?
Ashes nemesis Stuart Clark has him caught behind three times, but Warne won’t be around to inform him “you’re all arse, Paul”.
Most likely to… Reach fifty without scoring a single run in front of square on the off-side.
Where you’ll find him Slips/backward point.
Number crunch 60. Average in 12 Tests under Strauss’s captaincy, compared with only 36 in 21 under Michael Vaughan

Matt Prior

Wicketkeeper, Age 27, Team Sussex, Tests 18, 1,065 runs @ 48.40, 40 catches, 1 stumping, v Australia –

If he was a film star he’d be… Jason Statham. Direct, effective if not classical, never speaks when he can SHOUT.
Profile Has toned down since falling foul of the media in 2007 but his confidence remains as pronounced as his jawline.
What he was doing in 2005 Keeping Tim Ambrose out of the Sussex side.
Ashes nemesis If there’s an Aussie smart enough to notice he was born in Johannesburg, expect a few “mini-KP” taunts.
Most likely to… Reignite the old debate about who was worth more to the side: Alec Stewart or Jack Russell.
Where you’ll find him Behind the stumps.
Number crunch 48.40. Currently possesses a higher Test average than co-keeper/batsman Adam Gilchrist (47.60), but still trailing his coach Andy Flower (51.54).

Ian Bell

Middle-order batsman, Age 27, Team Warwickshire, Tests 46, 3,004 runs @ 40.59, v Australia 10 Tests, 502 runs @ 25.10

If he was a film star he’d be… Molly Ringwald. Formerly sumptuous, if delicate, star reduced to bit-part roles.
Profile Gifted but fragile – and sick of being labelled as such. Stuart Law’s “timid little creature” accusation has unfortunately stuck.
What he was doing in 2005 Learning harsh lessons about Warne’s slider and doing his best to pull his weight at No.3.
Ashes nemesis Andrew Flintoff’s creaking body: if Fred’s fit, Bell probably won’t get a game.
Most likely to… Get to 35, then clip a leg-stump half-volley straight to square leg and walk off shaking his head.
Where you’ll find him Short leg.
Number crunch The myth persists that No.6 is his best spot but he averages more in Tests at No.5: 54 to 49.

Stuart Broad

Fast bowler, Age 23, Team Nottinghamshire, Tests 17, 533 runs @ 31.35, 46 wkts @ 37.95, v Australia –

If he was a film star he’d be… Dakota Fanning. So young, so talented, so cute, so irritating on occasion.
Profile Saintly and angelic, it’s true, but some of his dad’s hellfire lurks within. That, and those clever slower balls.
What he was doing in 2005 Making his way in the world with Leicestershire and earning a winter Academy spot.
Ashes nemesis Whichever TV technician digs up footage of his old man’s three Ashes hundreds in 1986-87.
Most likely to… Turn a fetching shade of crimson when the umpire questions the legality of his follow through.
Where you’ll find him Mid-off.
Number crunch 46. Test wickets sounds modest, but gets good players out: Chanderpaul left (four times), Brendan Nash, Ramnaresh
Sarwan, Ross Taylor (three each).

Graeme Swann

Offspinner, Age 30, Team Nottinghamshire, Tests 7, 105 runs @ 35.00, 34 wkts @ 26.23, v Australia –

If he was a film star he’d be… Will Smith. Several strings to bow, likeable, should not be allowed to sing.
Profile Contractually obliged to do everything jauntily, especially when turning offbreaks into the pads of left-handers.
What he was doing in 2005 Trying to resurrect his career by moving from Northants to Notts. Snipping socks in the dressing room.
Ashes nemesis Will Mike Hussey, a former Northants team-mate, be able to put his local knowledge to destructive use?
Most likely to… Cross the media line between cheeky chappie and gaffemeister. And take two wickets in an over.
Where you’ll find him The slips.
Number crunch 16. Of his 34 Test victims have been lbw – and 12 of these lbws have been left-handers.

Ryan Sidebottom

Fast bowler, Age 31, Team Nottinghamshire, Tests 21, 77 wkts @ 27.70, v Australia –

If he was a film star he’d be… Mickey Rourke. Ugly but effective, wholehearted, on the comeback trail: the underdog’s underdog.
Profile Conforms to every fast-bowling stereotype except that he doubles for The Who warbler Roger Daltrey in his spare time.
What he was doing in 2005 Taking 48 Championship wickets at 22 in his second season for Notts. Angrily, no doubt.
Ashes nemesis Phillip Hughes. The whisper is his one weakness could be against left-handers. So no pressure then …
Most likely to… Be overheard cursing the fielding efforts of a team-mate moments before diving over the ball at mid-off himself.
Where you’ll find him Fine leg.
Number crunch 21. Average against New Zealand and West Indies, but 46 against everyone else. Will the real Ryan Sidebottom etc?

Graham Onions

Fast bowler, Age 26, Team Durham, Tests 2, 10 wkts @ 20.00, v Australia –

If he was a film star he’d be… Russell Brand. Wiry outsider who stole show with excellent debut. Newspaperman’s dream.
Profile Spiritual replacement for Matthew Hoggard, another yeoman-like northern seamer with a faintly unkempt appearance.
What he was doing in 2005 Still making his way with Durham, he was little more than a pun in a headline.
Ashes nemesis Any pitch that risks reducing him to the caricature of whole-hearted but ineffectual English seamer.
Most likely to… Be portrayed as a vegetable by a tabloid for dropping the catch that costs the Ashes.
Where you’ll find him Fine leg/third man.
Number crunch Worried he’s the new Ed Giddins? Both men have a Test bowling average of exactly 20.

James Anderson

Fast bowler, Age 26, Team Lancashire, Tests 37, 128 wkts @ 33.91, v Australia 3 Tests, 5 wkts @ 82.60

If he was a film star he’d be… Kiefer Sutherland. Once wayward tyro, now playing role of dependable, selfless hero.
Profile Increasingly eloquent both on and off the pitch and touted as the man capable of rediscovering the Summer of Reverse Swing.
What he was doing in 2005 Spending a full season with Lancashire, thus proving life is about more than bowling to a single stump at lunchtime.
Ashes nemesis On past evidence, pretty much the whole team: five Ashes wickets at 82 demands rectifying.
Most likely to… Shyly declare himself “quite pleased really” after taking all 10 on the first day at Cardiff.
Where you’ll find him Inner ring.
Number crunch Nearly 3/4 of his Test wickets (92 out of 128) have come in England.

Monty Panesar

Spin bowler, Age 27, Team Northamptonshire, Tests 38, 125 wkts @ 33.72, v Australia 3 Tests, 10 wkts @ 37.90

If he was a film star he’d be… Charlie Chaplin. Once universally loved clown, now very unfashionable. Noted for prat-falls.
Profile Former cult hero relegated to the role of luxury item because of his hapless fielding and batting.
What he was doing in 2005 Finishing his degree in computer science at Loughborough, then taking enough wickets for Northants to tour India in early 2006.
Ashes nemesis The Australian selectors for omitting Andrew Symonds – three times a victim of Panesar in 2006-07.
Most likely to… Be insanely cheered on his way to the middle with England on the verge of another Ashes defeat.
Where you’ll find him Fine leg.
Number crunch 2 fewer Test wickets than Yorkshire’s slow left-armer Wilfred Rhodes but in 20 fewer games.

Steve Harmison

Fast bowler, Age 30, Team Durham, Tests 61, 221 wkts @ 31.78, v Australia 15 Tests, 40 wkts @ 42.97

If he was a film star he’d be… Sylvester Stallone. Former action hero and genuine star now regarded as a bit of a joke.
Profile Has made the “infuriating beanpole” corner of the market his own. Forever dreaming of Newcastle United.
What he was doing in 2005 Silencing his critics by brutalising Australia’s top order at Lord’s or bamboozling Michael Clarke below with slower balls.
Ashes nemesis Has dismissed Ricky Ponting five times in Tests, but Ponting has still averaged 54 against him.
Most likely to… Protest his undying patriotism and claim people “don’t know me” after taking none for 100.
Where you’ll find him Mid-on.
Number crunch 5 wickets in an innings in only one Test since Lord’s 2005.

Andy Flower

England team director, Age 41, Tests 63 (Zim), 4,794 runs @ 51.54

Profile Possessor of world cricket’s most intimidating cerebral stare. Quiet, thoughtful and well-respected, Flower is not your typical tough-nut. Then again, he did average 51 in Tests for a struggling Zimbabwe – and take on Robert Mugabe.
What he was doing in 2005 Finishing third in the national batting averages behind only Mike Hussey and Mark Ramprakash and taking a close look at his Essex team-mates Alastair Cook and Ravi Bopara
Most likely to… Pause before answering a question, then fail to use a single cliché. This insanity won’t last long, but when Flower does eventually talk about “taking the positives” and “coming to the party”, he will do so with a wry grin.
Number crunch So what was it that persuaded Kevin Pietersen to come round to Flower’s way of thinking? Perhaps KP spotted his Test record against India: 18 innings, 1,138 runs, top score 232 not out, average 94.