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June 2008
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England stop brushing teeth

June 30th, 2008 by Alex Bowden in England and tagged , , , ,

Something decidedly odd will happen this week. Or, more accurately, something decidedly commonplace won’t happen.

It’s an event so regular and predictable, you’ve probably ceased to notice it. It’s like the consumption of food, the brushing of your teeth or the death of part of your soul while you’re at the office. It’s relentless, it’s been happening for as long as anyone can remember, but this week it won’t happen.

That’s right. This week England aren’t playing New Zealand.

After nineteen consecutive international fixtures between the two sides, it’s finally over. England are a better Test side. New Zealand are a better one-day side. No fortune teller could ever have foreseen that outcome.

But now England have to set themselves for a change of pace. Literally. Dale Steyn, Makhaya Ntini and Morne Morkel are here to make life uncomfortable for England’s batsmen. For ‘uncomfortable’ read ‘physically excruciating’ as all three propel the ball at a pace that can only be described as… what exactly?

After five months of describing bowlers using adjectives such as ‘disciplined’, ‘wholehearted’ and ‘determined’, it’s not just England’s cricketers who’ll need to adapt.

See King Cricket’s regular blog at King Cricket is a cult figure in the world of cricket blogs and was TWC’s first Best-of-blogs winner in April 2008.

Posted in England | 11 Comments »

11 Responses to “England stop brushing teeth”

  1.   D Charlton says:

    I’ve always found your posts ‘wholehearted’ and ‘determined’ but not very ‘disciplined’.

    Is being a ‘cult figure’ a good thing? Or is it the same as being ‘larger than life’?

  2.   King Cricket says:

    Hopefully it’s a euphemism for ‘basically unknown’.

    We’re substantially smaller than life.

  3.   Gary Naylor says:

    Bond should have played - he’s much quicker than Morkel, Steyn et al. Not his fault, not NZ’s.

  4.   ceci masters says:

    Glimpses of SA when in India suggest that they will be WAGGED up to the max - so perhaps you should concentrate on getting the WAGGY speak polished. King Cricket - at the popping crease of fashion.

  5.   Moses says:

    How to describe Ntini? Formerly convicted rapist who was released on appeal? Yeah, that’ll do.

  6.   mel says:

    Cult: “A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader”

    What’s the dress code for our first mass wedding? Whites or pyjamas?

  7.   D Charlton says:

    Where is the first mass wedding? I need to be told by the charismatic, authoritarian and unconventional leader.

    Is it in the North?

  8.   King Cricket says:

    Again with the sociability. Ours is a cult of solitude.

    Today, at sundown, we will all pledge ourselves to eternal social discomfort.

  9.   Som says:

    You mean England now have at least three reasons to worry about the well being of the teeth they have been brushing against New Zealand?

  10.   lukamodric says:

    Perhaps England should start flossing too, then they might finally get rid of those little irritations Bell and Collingwood.

  11.   spadge1889 says:

    Bond quicker than Steyn ? No way.

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