As I was saying to Colly, “You know old chap, it’s rather like when one was a Prefect back at Radley, one would supervise the remove while they did their prep and then there’d still be plenty of time to blow off steam before lights-out.”

And Colly – and this is SO Colly, marvellous sense of fun – Colly says: “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Luckily, Freddie came in and explained: “He’s saying: cricket first, then piss-up.”

And in his wonderfully earthy way, Freddie was exactly right. I’ve told the chaps that it we train jolly bloody hard then there’ll be lots of time for larks too.

For instance, as a bit of a bonding exercise, I’ve already taken the fellows for a trip to the theatre. The plot was a bit challenging for a couple of the more uncomplicated guys – and I must confess I hadn’t thought of Joseph And His Technicolor Dreamcoat as a “well confusing” musical before – but we had ice creams at the interval and once I’d explained the story to Belly he seemed to settle down and enjoy the second half.

I’m very keen that players take charge of their own preparation for each match. For instance, if they can get over from India in time for a Test then so much the better. If not, well, we’ll have to mend and make do. There’s plenty of fellows who aren’t in the IPL, ICL or totally hopeless category who’d love to put themselves in the shop window with a couple of games for England.

Each and every one of these chaps in the team knows what he needs to do to be ready for a Test. Matt Prior doesn’t need me to tell him how to shout seemingly random words of encouragement. No coach could possibly train Monty to appeal for every ball that hits the cut strip. And what could I possibly teach Owais about making an orange squash? Nor does Kevin need me to tell him how good he is: he does that himself. Rather a lot, actually. Constantly in fact.

Talking of which, I would like to stress just how supportive KP has been so far. At our first meeting, up he stood and said: “Skipper, I’m right behind you.” Colly piped up: “I should keep him where you can see him, soft lad.”

Tremendous native wit these chaps have.

Alan Tyers would willingly have warmed Andrew Strauss’s loo-seat at Radley