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June 2009
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Alan Tyers: Flintoff Faces Frosty Reception

June 4th, 2009 by Alan Tyers in Alan Tyers, England


In a wide-ranging interview with GQ Magazine, Andrew Flintoff has revealed that he worries for his kids growing up in our “violent country” and cites “rap music” as a negative influence. And while he has “no problems with a multicultural society”, the all-rounder says: “it annoys me when I phone a hotel receptionist in my own country and they don’t understand what I am saying because they don’t speak English. I think that’s wrong.”

We reveal a transcript from the Swallow Hotel, Preston.

Reception: “Hello, Swallow Hotel. Calls may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. How may I assist you?

Andrew Flintoff: Rooooooooccckeeeettt Maaaaaan, flyyyyyying through—

Reception: Excuse me sir?

Andrew Flintoff: Sorry about that. Having a bit of a sing-song.

Reception: Very good, sir.

Andrew Flintoff: None of that rappy rubbish. Good English sing-song with Sir Elton.

Reception: Ok sir, that’s great. Will there be anything else?

Andrew Flintoff: Send up some brews and that. Harmy – do you want owt?

**muttering in background**

Andrew Flintoff: Some plain digestive biscuits and an egg and chips.

Reception: Certainly sir.

**muttering in background**

Andrew Flintoff: And make sure it’s an English fried egg, not one of them fancy foreign poached numbers, he says.

Reception: Yes sir, fried egg and chips, digestives and some… brews?

Andrew Flintoff: Brews! Brews! Beers. God, it’s like being in a foreign country.

**Shouting and sobbing in background**

Andrew Flintoff: No! Harmy, Harmy, it’s alright. We’re not IN a foreign country, I said it’s LIKE being in a foreign country. Take the duvet off your head. Harmy! Give me back the phone.

Steve Harmison: I wanna gan hurm. Gerrus bairns on the telephurne. I wanna speak to wuz bairns like. And the British ambassaduur.

Reception: Excuse me sir?

Steve Harmison: You were right Fred, they divvunt understand a wurd like.

**sounds of scuffling for phone handset**

Andrew Flintoff: Now sit there quietly and watch your DVD.

Reception: Sir?

Andrew Flintoff: Not you. Sorry. Right. So we want them brews. B-R-E-W-S.

Reception: I’m sorry sir, we cannot provide alcohol to our guests after 11pm due to UK licensing laws.

Andrew Flintoff: I hate this country.

By Alan Tyers

Posted in Alan Tyers, England |

One Response to “Alan Tyers: Flintoff Faces Frosty Reception”

  1.   colin greenhough says:

    This is unfunny rubbish Flintoff is so right so don’t take the mickey out of our Lancashire accent. I bet you have one of those right on estuary accents with glottal stops as well as pronouncing your double ‘t’s inthat babyish ay i.e ‘botul’ instead of bottle.

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