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King Cricket: What shoes does Mitchell Johnson play in?

July 17th, 2009 by Alex Bowden in England, The Ashes, The media and tagged , , , ,


Yesterday, someone arrived at kingcricket.co.uk after searching ‘what shoes does Mitchell Johnson play in’. We have no idea, but we’d guess that he wears oversized clown shoes, such was his co-ordination yesterday.

Balls were going all over the place. It was as if Johnson were Devon Malcolm and Steve Harmison’s bastard offspring. We enjoyed it immensely. Maybe he wanted to give his team mates an opportunity to explore every corner of Lord’s and so offered them a never ending quest to recover the ball from beyond the boundary rope.

People had various ideas as to what was going wrong. It was the Lord’s slope; it was his low arm; it was his wrist position; it was nerves. We think we know the real reason. Has anyone, at any point, gone up to Mitchell Johnson and asked him whether he’s absolutely certain that he’s left handed? We’re pretty sure he’s not. He bowled much as we would if were forced into kack-handedness by some wrong-headed sadist.

Bowling from the other end was Peter Siddle, who we’ve also warmed to, but for entirely contrasting reasons. This is a man who’s clearly read the fast bowlers’ handbook from cover to cover and is now living the role to the full. Add warpaint, get angry, look like you’ve just killed a man when you take a wicket. Australian fast bowlers should act like that. It makes it easier to dislike them, which, after all, is the whole point of Australian fast bowlers. Peter Siddle is doing this job so brilliantly that paradoxically we now find ourself liking him immensely.

We’re led to believe that Ben Hilfenhaus and Nathan Hauritz are also bowling in this match, but we’re yet to see any evidence of that. We’ve a vague memory of Hauritz suffering some kind of hideous finger injury, but you don’t need to play Test cricket to have that happen to you. Mind you, if it helps him bowl some exquisite wide long-hops, a la Mitchell Johnson, we might start paying more attention to him.

King Cricket blogs at www.kingcricket.co.uk. He is a cult figure in the world of cricket blogs and was TWC’s first Best-of-blogs winner in April 2008.

Posted in England, The Ashes, The media | 12 Comments »

12 Responses to “King Cricket: What shoes does Mitchell Johnson play in?”

  1.   Suave says:

    This is pure unadulterated genius. For this, I salute you sire!

  2.   JohnB says:

    Good read, Johnson is the most unpredictable player i have ever seen, but very entertaining to watch. Really enjoyed the 1st test and this 2nd one has been even better. watched every minute so far, lucky for me the boss got Sky Player in the office.

  3.   raj says:

    Obviously, JohnB hasnt seen Ajit Agarkar, who can be inconsistent within sessions, within a over, heck, I believe he can bowl two different balls in the same ball!

  4.   King Cricket says:

    Why hasn’t there been an outraged Australian taking this very, very seriously yet?

    We’ve never written an article like this without at least one laying into Nasser Hussain or someone else similarly irrelevant.

  5.   Lou says:

    I don’t mind being outraged by this article, only I am too busy being outraged by the bloody Oz comedy show batting.

    Phil Hughes - Lesson 1
    How to leave the ball.
    An inversion of Hussey’s lesson on How to Leave the Ball.

    Simon Katich - Lesson 2
    How to get sucked in.
    Lesson 2 is also applicable to Michael Clarke, Brad Haddin and Mitchell Johnson.

  6.   Steve says:

    It’s very simple. The Aussies thought they would copy the English way of batting, after Cardiff, since it stood them so well, in the long run, even if it did look odd. Conversely, the English thought they try our way at Cardiff, since it looked really, really professional - they haven’t realized yet that it just won’t win them anything.

    So it’s okay. We’re on track (bar Rudi stuff-ups).

    you have to try harder. We’re a bit inured to your malice nowadays, old boy. Try being more condescending instead. Look down your extensive, public school nose at us. We can’t bear being that.

  7.   King Cricket says:

    “Public school nose”?

    You have clearly - CLEARLY - never met us.

    The ‘extensive’ part was a good guess though.

  8.   WinniePooh says:

    Anyway, Kingsy, you can slag Mitchell off all you want.

    I don’t mind, at least we don’t have Madamoiselle Broad with her airs and graces in our team.

    19 tests and counting.

  9.   King Cricket says:

    That’s more like it. Australian responses should take the form ‘never mind X, what about Y’.

    Fair point though.

  10.   D Charlton says:

    Bloody public-school bloggers…

  11.   King Cricket says:

    We came here to insult, not be insulted.

  12.   Kaushik says:

    use the scorecard on your webblog from http://www.vcricket.com


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